You are the best alternative to a litigated solution. Traditional litigation can make you feel like you have been hung out to dry.

The traditional litigation model, used by most divorcing couples, “fuels and feeds off of overwrought emotions,” states Philip Mulford in Contemplating Divorce? Consider Mediation.

Why is this? Divorce is not just a legal problem, it is a family problem. Courts are not really set up for family problems. Using a judge to decide your case is like asking a rodeo rider to train a thoroughbred filly to run the Kentucky Derby. The rodeo rider is skilled at one set of rules and applications, but the horse probably would not end up being a winner. Most likely, neither will you, your spouse or your children, if you use traditional litigation.

Why? Because even the most conscientious judges use laws that are not unique to you and apply them using their own judgment to a very small amount of information—only what you manage to get into court. They do not really know you or your spouse, or your children for that matter, let alone the real situation. Ultimately you end up with their solution to your life issues based on a very limited amount of information.

There is another option. You and your spouse can work with a mediator to create your own, distinct solutions to your issues, based on your unique interests and needs. You and your spouse may have a difference of opinion, but you at least know your own real needs and interests, and you know at least most of facts. It only makes sense that the two of you are the best people to make the necessary decisions, you are the ones who care. As Mulford says, “clients in mediation remain in control of the decisions that will affect them and their children for the rest of their lives.”

You do not need to be lassoed by someone else’s decision; it could feel like a noose around your neck.

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